This is something that I don’t talk about very much and most people don’t know that I struggle with severe anxiety. I have for a long time and there have been times where I’ve gotten it under control and there have been times where it literally controlled my life. I got to a point many years ago where I could not even leave my house. I sought help for it and got better but I would definitely say that it never really goes away.
For the past couple of years I have struggled off and on and I have medication that I take when I need it to help ease my anxiety a bit and that definitely helps. This week I have been especially anxious anticipating this weekend. My husband, his mother and our children are going to visit family out of state, so it is a long drive for them and I can’t help but feel so much anxiety over their trip. I cannot go with them because I just started a new part time job where I work every weekend, so I obviously have to work.
So I’ve been trying to deal with the anticipation of them leaving the best I can and unfortunately part of that has included eating some unhealthy foods. For a huge part of my life I have used food for comfort and to help me cope with stressful situations and while I’m trying to learn other ways to cope, I’m not perfect and it is easy to go back to my old habits. I’m trying to use a lot of self-talk and rationalizing with myself that this food isn’t going to make things better and that it is a temporary feeling of comfort and calmness that will go away quickly and leave me feeling sick and still anxious.
Neither of my kids have been that far away from me for an entire weekend so it’s natural for me to have some anxiety as their mother, but my anxiety takes it to a whole new level. I’m trying to keep my mind busy thinking about other things and hope that I can make it through this weekend without affecting my weight loss journey too much. Thankfully I have my meals planned out for the weekend and as long as I stay mostly on track I probably won’t have a gain at my weigh in and that is all I’m hoping for this week.
Anxiety is so frustrating and can be so debilitating that it just seems to take over everything. Some people probably think I’m just an overprotective parent, but they don’t realize what anxiety does to a mother and how hard it is to cope. While I know that I will never be completely free from anxiety, I have to learn to cope with it the best I can without using food. This week has been very challenging but I know that I will get through it.